Selfishness

On your Live in Love journey, some people may give you feedback to imply that you, your boundaries, and/or decisions are selfish. Beware when this feedback is given after you haven’t given the feedback provider the response they want. We all know the people that come to us in expectation with the “You can cover me for XYZ right?” or the manipulative sob story approach “I don’t know what I’m going to do I have X problem and need YZ?” Whatever the approach, the goal is to get you to give them what they want. Remember these tips when you are faced with these types of situations.

1.       You have the power to consciously choose.

You are not obligated to save others from the consequences of their poor decisions. I highly encourage all of my clients to evaluate who and in what cases they will provide assistance. There is a fine line between truly helping someone and enabling someone.

2.       Trust your gut.

Don’t ignore that inner voice that might be alerting you to a manipulative situation or tuning you in to a true need. Learn to discern between the two. There is a resolve you feel when you have consciously chosen to help someone that is truly in need. That is contrasted by an unsettled feeling when you feel like you’ve been manipulated into helping someone. If you have fallen to the latter, it’s okay just call it a lesson learned. Remember that you can take your power back and choose differently next time.  

3.       Be resilient in the sea of judgmental opinion.

The sea of judgmental opinion is all the requestors or people that feel the need to chime in with their judgments and opinions about your decisions. Your “No” response could be interpreted as selfish based on their assumption about your means or ability to help them. Their interpretations or assumptions about your circumstances is not your responsibility or concern. Everyone will not like you for the decisions you make it’s that simple. You will drive yourself crazy trying to please everyone too.

There are many other examples of this that I’d be happy to work through with you. If you’d like to remove all that is keeping you from a life that you love, shoot me an email at lakenya@coachingendeavors.com or call (609) 416-1116 and we can set up a time to chat.

Live in Love my friends!

LaKenya

“It is not selfish to do what is best for you.”

— Mark Sutton

Love is Patient, Love is Kind!

This past week or two has been full of reminders of how important it is to be patient and kind. This is definitely something that you should exercise in your relationships with others, but it is of the utmost importance in the relationship with yourself. I’ve recently challenged a few clients to reframe the negative comments they utter about themselves or decisions they’ve made. I also went through the same exercise after realizing I was chastising myself for my lack of focus one day. I heard someone repeat a quote (from whom I do not know) that if we treated others the way we treat ourselves, more of us would be in jail. And most people are their own worst critic. That critical inner voice is what we in the coaching world call your gremlin. The gremlin voice tells you not to try, never to take a risk, always to take the safe road, and to compromise your life by playing small. Your gremlin is highly personal and can be difficult to overcome because it is rooted deeply inside you. It carries the most intense emotional charge of any of the blocks that keep you from succeeding in life and love. Your gremlin thrives on fear. When you hear its whispers, whether you realize it or not, your energy changes and puts out signals that attract that same negative demeaning energy. So my advice is this:

1. Be proactive! Start your day with loving, positive, and uplifting messages about yourself and your life journey. 
2. Take action immediately when that nagging voice starts sounding off by recalling those positive messages. 
3. When you do make choices that don’t reap the desired results, don’t dwell on the decision and results but rather learn from the lesson and move on. (Just a side note. People often call those choices mistakes but it’s only the judgment of the choice as "wrong" after the undesired outcome that makes it so dramatic.)
4. Remember, all that exists is NOW! Your past or anxiety about the future does not have to affect you in the present moment. Using the lessons learned from your past, you get to choose who you want to be and how you want to present yourself to the world in every moment. Play the game of life full out! Because now is all there ever will be.

Gremlin work can be quite involved and is most effective when you are guided by a certified coach. If you are ready to get out of your own way and rid yourself of all that’s holding you back, shoot me an email at lakenya@coachingendeavors.com or call (609) 416-1116 and we can set up a time to chat.

Live in Love my friends!

LaKenya

Happy Breadwinner?

I recently listened to an audio recording of some dialog around women being the breadwinners of the family and how awesome it can be. If you are an accomplished single professional woman who truly desires to marry for love, I’m sure this has crossed your mind (and in some cases immediately dismissed). I must admit that a few years ago when I thought of this being my reality, a couple of limiting beliefs popped up. Like to hear em? Here they go!

It will be impossible to distinguish between someone who truly loves you, for richer or poorer, and someone who is just in it for the richer segment of your life.

The ego of most males would never allow them to be content in this situation.

As you might have imagined, these limiting beliefs prevented me from building relationships without judgment. Well since then I have met many couples who are VERY happy (sizzling ;-) with the wife as the sole or majority breadwinner and I kicked the limiting beliefs to the curb. One of the speakers nailed it when he said that the key to being happy is to consciously choose the role and to choose a relationship that honors your values and goals. The lack of this foundation sets the stage for resentment later. I couldn’t agree more and that goes for any relationship I believe. Granted this isn’t for every woman. If everything in you is in knots at the thought of this, then don’t force yourself into the role of a breadwinner. But if you are open to being the higher earner here are a few tips:

1. Don’t give up. I won’t say it will be easy, because you are only half of the relationship equation. The man will still need your admiration, respect, love and support. If he is not all in and consciously choosing his role, there may be some bumps along the way. But what relationship doesn't have those?
2. Listen carefully to your inner wisdom and its guidance. The Universe is continually working on your behalf to help you get what you desire. It will lead you to the one that is down regardless of whether it's beans and cornbread or filet mignon and lobster. Be present to the miracles and go within to find out how you can obtain such an awesome relationship. And when you find that relationship…..
3. Keep the communication open so that both of you can mutually support one another. And lastly, treat him just as you would the man that makes 10X what you do.

Of course there is a lot in the nooks and crannies of this so if you are interested and want to know more, shoot me an email and we can set up a time to chat.

Live in Love my friends!
LaKenya
 

True Love!

If there is one thing that I find myself sharing with my clients the most it is the truth that in order to achieve the exciting and passionate intimate relationship you desire, you must be willing to take the risk one more time. No risk, no reward. Of course this is easier said than done especially when you have been hurt in previous relationships. I recently re-read an excerpt from “The Hoffman Process” about addressing your relationship patterns, fears, and mindset. BTW, this is a great book about empowering yourself to change your future so check it out. It talks about how the intimate relationship that might be the most challenging for you is usually the one that can bring the most healing. This in itself can be difficult to grasp or even desire at times because you know there is a lot that you would have to work through (and there’s probably a few things you didn’t think about that will arise along the way). But just imagine getting over all that is holding you back and finally having ALL that you want in a relationship without any reservation, self-doubt, or thoughts of what could have been with someone else. Get a vision for that if you don’t have one and take the challenge to get started on your journey to that amazing relationship.

I can tell you from experience that it is important to remember that the challenge goes both ways. Trust me, each party has challenges to face regardless of your perception. Heck, getting past your perceptions of the other person is a challenge!  Keeping or even starting an open dialogue helps with this one though. But if embarking on the journey to get out of your own way seems a bit daunting just remember:

1. Regardless of how many people have given up on you in a relationship, left you during vulnerable times, or hurt you without an apology, healing is always available for you. All that you need lies within. 
2. No matter how long you have been repeating a relationship pattern, you have the power to transform your life. The power lies within.
3. We live in a mutually supportive Universe and all that you need to have what you desire will be available to you in abundance. Just set your intention and be present to the workings of the Universe to bring it to you.

Peace within, joy, love, abundance, passion, and excitement awaits you. For more information about how working with a coach can help you or other resources to help you on your journey, contact me at:  lakenya@coachingendeavors or call 609-416-1116.

Live in Love my friends!
LaKenya

Death, Forgiveness, and Love

Well it has been a busy and emotionally taxing couple of months. But I am happy to say that I am doing very well and getting back to my regular routine. I want to share with you all so that you can see how I as a coach, and you, can use reframing to boost your energy in difficult situations. Reframing is what we in the coaching world use to help our clients see things differently and to be more positive about what is happening. So here it goes.

I came down with the flu for the first time in years at the end of January and I felt TERRIBLE. It took a few weeks to start feeling like my normal self.  
Reframe: No big deal I guess my body needed to rest. 

Shortly thereafter my 94 year old grandmother (suffering from severe dementia) started refusing to eat and was sent home and placed in hospice care. So off I go to visit her with a heavy heart knowing what was to come. I returned home knowing that I had seen her for the last time. 
Reframe: I remember that all I had wanted for the past few years was one moment where she remembered who I was. Though she wasn’t speaking, she gripped my hand with whatever energy she had and I knew that she knew exactly who I was.

So it was only a matter of time, she passed away, then off I went to comfort my 88 year old grandfather (they were married 66 years), and to attend her memorial. 
Reframe: The peace that I got from her knowing who I was allowed me the strength to be strong for my grandfather even when I wasn’t sure I could. And I arrived to a community that had wrapped their arms around him in support in addition to all the family. Shout out to the small town peeps in Great Bend, KS!

Every family has their ups and downs and I was concerned that some of the “downs” would result in the ever dreaded funeral drama.
Reframe: Healing is possible in all relationships and sometimes it takes a death to bring that healing. I am happy to say that there was no drama but rather love, forgiveness, peace, and a lot of hilarious stories.

I get home and look at my finances and had to take a few deep breaths. Those last minute trips, car rentals to drive the 3 hours to the country, hotels for early morning flights, food, etc. were expensive.
Reframe: At least I had it when I needed it most and I didn’t have to miss out on any of the awe inspiring moments.

When you find yourself facing tough situations just remember:
1.There is always a way to reframe a situation into the positive light of love.
2.There is always a path to healing.  Love always wins and forgiveness always brings peace.
3.The Universe is always working in your favor to prepare you for what lies ahead.

Live in Love my friends!
LaKenya

Fearless!

Fear can be very powerful at keeping you from the relationships you want or any other life goal if you allow it.  Yes YOU have the upper hand here.  Fear recruits all your inner critics’ arguments against taking a leap (or even a step) on faith, all your assumptions about possible discouraging outcomes, your interpretations, and those hindering limiting beliefs and uses them to keep you from that dream relationship or life-long goal.  Your intuition may even be repeatedly guiding you to the path that leads to those dreams, but it is up to you to take it.  Granted achieving dreams and goals isn’t always easy and it comes with many opportunities for growth.  But I recall something my grad school research professor said to me while I struggled to get results for a project.  He said, “If it were easy everyone would be doing it and it wouldn’t be that rewarding.”  That was soooo not what I was trying to hear having wrestled with that project for almost 2 (and it being the only thing keeping me from graduating), but it rings true now.  This is often where a lot of people just go back to what is easy and familiar.  The same can be said for relationships. Relationships will often require that you dig deep, work hard, and deal with all your "stuff" but it is rewarding in the end.

Choose to trust that wherever your intuition is leading you, the Universe has taken care of the details.  What if that guy is eagerly waiting for you to open up to him and receive all the love he is trying to give? Or what if that girl is just waiting for you to approach her and show that you want a relationship with her? What if all you desire is just one choice away? It’s all so close yet fear will use an arsenal to convince you of otherwise.  I read a quote from Karinna Kittles-Karsten a few days ago that went as follows:  “Be bold, be courageous, be active and adventurous to breakthrough patterns that aren’t supportive of you anymore and the relationship life you are ready to experience.” This sums it up very well.  You have to choose to kick fear to the curb and take that step.  So whether you are the guy that wants to take that girl out or the girl that is scared to risk it all again, remember no risk no reward. 

In 2014 I’m choosing to seek more opportunities to get out of my comfort zone, in my relationships, business, and career. And I do so choosing to trust that my intuition is guiding me every step of the way and that the Universe has taken care of all the details.  This is going to be an amazing year and I can’t wait to share all the victories and lessons with you all.  Who’s with me?

Claim what's yours!

“It is your birthright to live a life abundant in love.  Make the commitment today to open your heart and let your love flow.” ~David Simon

Many times love can be snuffed out by our rational thinking.  We have dreams and visions of the relationship or life that we want, but our analytical mind begins to immediately scroll through all the obstacles which might keep us from taking action toward our goal.  But there are no obstacles that can keep you from what is truly yours.  When you put your intention out there with faith, God will work on your behalf.  And this is not dependent upon you doing anything that is out of line with your core values.  All it takes is for you to follow the wisdom of your heart.  The journey will surely present many lessons and opportunities for growth, but you will be equipped to handle whatever it is.  Today, commit to listening to and following that voice within and open your heart to the love, joy, success, and growth that is available to you on your journey.  

If your heart has been nudging you and you are unsure of how or where to begin, contact me for a complimentary session.  Let’s explore how I can help you on your journey.  An amazing life and amazing relationships await you.

Open Up to Receive Abundance

Do you ever notice that giving someone a gift or compliment versus receiving one can feel very different? Some might say that receiving can be downright uncomfortable. However, there is much grace to be found in the art of receiving. Learning to open up to the abundance in our lives improves our relationships and all other aspects of our lives. We can all think of ways our lives would be more fulfilling if we had a little more love, friends, understanding, help, patience, sleep, money, good health, etc. But, what if we already had this abundance and just haven’t been present to it? What if our patterns were getting in the way of receiving abundance and love? Identifying the patterns that undermine our ability to receive is crucial to getting what we want and receiving what is available for us.

We may believe that receiving something from another creates an obligation to give back.  Or we may suspiciously be wondering what someone wants from us, instead of viewing their offer of help or a compliment as just that. If this is your belief, you may begin to naturally reject the help or downplay the compliment that is offered to you. In turn you may start to feel as if you have no resources for help and get tunnel vision to all that you lack.  But in reality you are unknowingly sending signals that you are not open to receiving.  Remember like energy attracts like energy.  Most of the time, underneath the belief that you will owe someone if you accept their offer is fear and another belief that you are undeserving and unworthy.  Both contribute to a pattern that is usually evident if you listen to the inner dialogue.  It may start with:  “Why is he being so nice to me?” or “He thinks he is so smooth but I’ve got his game all figured out.” It may even prompt you to respond to gifts or service with, “You really don’t have to do that,” “This is too much,” or to give a compliment in return instead of just humbly accepting the compliment given to you. 

Unless you become conscious to your pattern and way of thinking, you will continue to receive the difficult in your life as opposed to the love, support, and abundance you desire. 

To train your brain to see what is available to you, practice saying ‘yes’ for a week to anything that anyone offers (within reason of course) even if you don’t need it. This will help expand your capacity to receive.  Just see what things open up for you that you may not have noticed before. 

If you would like to know more about how you can clear the path to receive all that you desire in life, please contact me to schedule a complimentary coaching session. 

Live it Up

Ever wish your life and relationships could be filled with more passion and excitement? Regardless of the current circumstances, what you desire is available to you. There is a radiant and delightful Spiritual being that lives inside you just waiting to guide you to greatness in every area of life. Acknowledge your inner voice, treasure it, and take action to let go of all that blocks the flow of love in your life. Let its boldness shine. This will open up new ways to express your creativity, spirituality, and passion. Your true essence is love, it is abundance, and it is YOU!

Here are a few tips to help you start living it up. 
* Take a leap outside of your comfort zone, no matter how small...feel the exhilaration!
* Dare to take the first step toward your dreams.
* Gaze at the stars, and sense the wonder of the universe supporting you.
* Break out your inner kid and play hopscotch, jump rope, or go roller skating!
* Tell some fun jokes and feel the healing power of laughter.

If you hear that voice within telling you there’s more, don’t ignore it. Not sure of where to start? I can help. Feel free to contact me to set up a complimentary call. 

“To begin is the most important part of any quest, and by far the most courageous.”

— Plato